Aly Raisman works to normalize hard conversations after her gymnastics career

Aly Raisman is one of USA TODAY’s Women of the Year, a recognition of women who have made a significant impact in their communities and across the country. Meet this year's honorees at womenoftheyear.usatoday.com.

Aly Raisman has a lot to be proud of. 

She’s the third most decorated American gymnast in history, winning six Olympic medals as captain of the legendary 2012 “Fierce Five” and 2016 “Final Five” teams.

She empowered millions of girls and women across the globe when she came forward with her experience of sexual abuse at the hands of a former USA gymnastics doctor, who, with the testimony of Raisman and more than 100 other athletes, will never be able to abuse another person again.

She wrote her first children’s book, “From My Head to My Toes,” to teach kids about the importance of consent and body autonomy. It is due out April 2 during child abuse prevention month.

But when we asked Raisman, 29, to share what she’s most proud of today, she didn’t tout the gold medals or national praise for speaking her truth, as hard as it was and still is. Instead, she said she’s most proud of having the courage to explore who she is outside of the career that has defined her since she could walk. 

“My parents always used to tell me when I was younger that people will remember me for the kind of person I am, not what place I am on the podium,” Raisman said. “I never really understood that, but as I get farther away from my gymnastics career, I'm very grateful for it.” 

These days, you’ll find Raisman growing cucumbers in her garden, reading murder mysteries, listening to Taylor Swift on repeat and rewatching "Grey’s Anatomy." You won’t find her playing other sports though, because she says she's “surprisingly uncoordinated outside of gymnastics.”

Above all, Raisman is working on breaking free from a vicious cycle of self-scrutiny. She listened to a podcast recently that got her thinking. 

“It said, ‘How often do we take a photo of a beautiful sunset and the picture doesn't do it justice? Think about that the next time you see a photo of yourself and you don't like it,’” Raisman recalled. “I’m going to keep that with me. I’m trying to be kinder and less hard on myself, which is easier said than done. But it’s a work in progress.” 

Although her goals today won’t win her any medals, she says they’re just as important and rewarding.

“I want to be a good daughter, a good older sister, a good dog mom, a good friend – and of course, a good role model,” Raisman continued. “And I want people to remember me for making sports safer and normalizing really hard conversations.”

The interview below has been edited for length and clarity.

You recently made your TV broadcasting debut with ESPN as a gymnastics analyst. How does it feel to have a more hands-on role several years after retiring from the sport? 

Being able to commentate for the first time was a really special experience. I think I surprised myself with how much I loved and enjoyed it. It has been almost seven and a half years since I last competed, so I think it took me that much time to be able to have the courage to try it, because it's a totally different thing than I've ever done before. 

Trying to strike the balance of explaining (the sport) to someone who's been a fan their entire life and to someone who's maybe watching gymnastics for the first time was really challenging but cool. 

I didn't get to compete in NCAA gymnastics, but what I love about it is how much fun all the gymnasts have. It's really centered around being teammates and building each other up. The coaches and gymnasts were just so supportive and excited for me, too. Some of them DM'd me after I commentated their meet and they said I did a good job, which meant a lot because I was once in their shoes.

Who paved the way for you? 

There's so many amazing people that have given me and so many other women, girls and people so much opportunity. But I also think that as a society, we're going backwards in a lot of ways. There's still many people who don't have a safe place where they feel comfortable speaking out; they might not be supported or believed. I'm appreciative of all the people who have created such great opportunities for me, but I am also really inspired by people who feel that they're not being heard or listened to, yet are continuing to speak out and fight for themselves and others.

Do you feel like you're a voice for the voiceless? If so, how has that role impacted you?

I'm probably one of the few survivors of sexual abuse that has been heard, believed and validated. But I know that that's not many other abuse survivors' experience. If I'm at the airport or the grocery store, many people will tell me that they're also survivors of abuse, many of whom are suffering in silence. Women in their 80s have told me in the milk aisle that I’m the only person they have ever told about their abuse. 

That’s what inspires and pushes me to continue to talk about this. I think people sometimes forget that I'm also a survivor of abuse, which means that I'm still in therapy and still working through PTSD and trauma. This is a marathon, not a sprint. And unfortunately, tomorrow, abuse is not going to be eradicated.

The more people talk about what they're going through, the more we can all realize that no matter who you are, we're all dealing with something, or at least have gone through something, and that there's no such thing as a perfect life.

Who do you look up to? 

It's hard to pick one person, but I really admire the younger generations, because they're powerful and strong, and they use their voice to stand up for things that they believe in. They seem to be authentically themselves and fight for people who maybe don't have the same rights or the same experiences as them. I admire that. 

What advice would you give your younger self? 

To trust myself, which I’m still working on today. That's always been a struggle for me. I started my gymnastics career when I was 2, so from a very young age, because gymnastics is a subjective sport, I learned that if I do a cartwheel, I had to immediately look at my coach for approval. Even if I felt like that cartwheel was the best cartwheel I've ever done, I learned that it doesn't really matter how I feel. The most important thing is pleasing the judges, my coaches and the people who are picking the team. 

I think, unfortunately, that transferred over into my personal life. I'm working on trying not to seek validation and advice on certain things, and trusting my gut and doing what feels right for me. Of course, I still talk to people and get their feedback or advice, because I think that's important. But with personal things, I try to block out the insecurity and focus on what feels right.

Do you feel like gymnastics as an institution has made necessary changes since you left?

I feel really grateful that the gymnastics community has been so open and receptive to me and so many other survivors sharing our stories. I've had so many people come up to me and say that they've started to have different conversations with a gymnast in their life, or their daughter or students, about what safety looks like in sports. 

Mental health and abuse problems in our country and world are not going to be fixed overnight. But I feel hopeful with how many people are wanting to have a conversation about it. I've had gymnasts who are 4 years old come up to me and say that they read my book with their mom or their grandmother, and when I asked them what parts stood out to them the most, they say, "We had a lot of conversations about the abuse." 

It's very emotional for me to hear a young kid talk about that because they say it with such confidence. That definitely gives me hope and courage to keep talking about what I wish I had known and some of the signs to look out for. I feel grateful to have the platform to do that.

Do you have a mantra that you used to or still tell yourself? 

When I was competing, I used to tell myself, "Whether you think you can or you can't, you're right," but I feel like that doesn't really help me as much in my everyday life. Now I just try to focus on what I can do to help myself feel better. Some days I feel more relaxed, some days I’m more stressed. So I'm working on how to find things that bring me joy and learning how to be there for myself in the way that I would want to be there for someone else.

What is your definition of courage? 

Being yourself, which I think is really hard in our world today with social media. I admire people who are authentically who they are and who they want to be. 

How do you overcome adversity? 

I try to work through my adversity by taking away the idea of overcoming adversity. There's so much pressure to heal or believe that everything's going to be perfect one day, but I just don't know if that's realistic. I work through that by seeing a therapist for 50 minutes once a week. So for the other six days, 23 hours and 10 minutes, I try to hold myself accountable and find things that bring me joy. 

I also try to reflect on who is making me feel good, who's not making me feel good, what I do and don’t enjoy doing work-wise and just trying to be honest with myself about how I can be closer to the person I want to be and the life I want to live. 

You've been open about being Jewish and celebrating that. What is it like to be a Jewish celebrity at a time when antisemitism is so high? 

Now more than ever, it's really important for me to talk about how proud I am to be Jewish. It's something that's very important to me and my family. As antisemitism rises and so many people are scared and suffering in silence, it's top of mind for me to use my platform to raise awareness. My family and I, we have a lot of conversations about it. I feel very grateful to be a part of the Jewish community.